An Ode to My Life: The Journey Through "Mirror"

An Ode to My Life: The Journey Through "Mirror"

Music has always been a lifeline for me. Sometimes, I find myself diving deeply into the lyrics of a song, searching for meaning beyond the surface. The answers we seek often reveal themselves in ways we don’t immediately recognize—through words, vibrations, or emotions that resonate with where we are in life.

When I first heard "Mirror" by Madison Ryann Howard, I knew it was more than just a song. It was a reflection, a reminder, and an invitation to confront parts of myself I’d long hidden away. The lyrics felt like a map of my journey—one of pain, survival, forgiveness, and ultimately, grace.

The Past as a Mirror

"Keep me in your mirror
But don’t take your eyes off the road.
Holding on won’t get us any nearer
’Cause we got a long way to go."

These words became a mantra as I reflected on my life’s trajectory, starting with the earliest cracks in my foundation.

My father was my Superman—a man who was kind, protective, and hardworking. But his battle with addiction ultimately turned our lives upside down. He passed away when I was 10, and even now, I struggle to fully understand the demons he faced.

Before addiction consumed him, I remember moments of safety, warmth, and love. But those memories are overshadowed by the night he committed an act that stole my innocence and shattered my trust. For years, I carried the weight of that trauma in silence, unable to reconcile the man I loved with the one who caused me so much pain.

It wasn’t until I began battling my own addictions that I started to see him with new eyes. Addiction warps the mind, clouding judgment and separating us from our true selves. Through my healing journey, I found compassion for my father—not to excuse his actions, but to understand them. Forgiveness became a bridge to the memories of his love, his laugh, and the blues of his eyes before they dimmed.

The Spiral of Survival

Trauma has a way of compounding itself, and my life was no exception. At 15, I was raped, further solidifying my distrust of men. The only man I trusted was taken from me—my stepfather, who loved me unconditionally, passed away just 42 days before my father.

With so much loss and pain, I built walls around my heart, creating personas to protect myself. I became a chameleon, adapting to survive in environments that felt unsafe. My relationships reflected the chaos within me, and I sought solace in places and people that could never truly fill the void.

The Song as a Turning Point

When I first encountered "Mirror," I was living a life that wasn’t my own. I was in a marriage, clinging to a reality that felt safe, despite isolation and mental aguish, but was far from aligned with my truth. The lyrics became a wake-up call:

"Sometimes it’s hard to see
That some things just won’t be."

Leaving that relationship after 13 years wasn’t just the end of a chapter—it was the end of an entire era of my life. Sobriety became my anchor, forcing me to face the shadows I’d spent years running from.

A New Understanding

Listening to the song now, years later, it speaks to me in an entirely new way. The lyrics no longer carry the weight of despair; they carry the promise of grace.

"Holding on won’t get us any nearer
’Cause we got a long way to go."

These words remind me that healing is a forward motion. I can reflect on the past, but I must not live there. The pain, the trauma, the personas I created—they’re part of my story, but they don’t define my future.

Life has taught me that moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. It means holding the lessons of the past gently, like a mirror, while keeping my eyes firmly on the road ahead. It’s about surrendering control and trusting the Universe to guide me to where I’m meant to be.

An Ode to Grace

This song has become an anthem for my journey—a reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. It tells me that it’s okay to pause and reflect but never to go in reverse.

If you’re reading this, I hope you find encouragement in these words. Your past may shape you, but it does not have to define you. Trust the road ahead. Trust that grace will meet you where you are and guide you to where you’re meant to be.

"Keep me in your mirror, but don’t take your eyes off the road."